Are You Hiding from Imposter Syndrome?
Hello, !
Let me ask you this - does something feel HARD?
I’ve been writing for years. Blog, then podcast, then emails and social media posts, and now a book.
I am trying out a new platform (Substack) and here’s the WEIRD part -
It’s like I have never written before.
I don’t know what to say.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
I have no words.
I am an idiot.
All because my brain is offering to me the thought, “This is a new audience.”
It’s ridiculous. I’m ridiculous.
But it’s actually just a variation of something pop psychology calls “Imposter Syndrome.”
(Not dissing on pop
psychology - as a life coach, that’s my JAM!)
But for me, it’s all boiling down to this - I feel a new need to impress YOU, my dear
Reader.
Even though I don’t actually know what will impress you.
And even though that’s not
really the point in writing.
The need to impress CREATES the feeling of imposter syndrome.
That’s a helpful thing to know because it then gives us the clue to overcoming it.
Here’s how I overcome Imposter Syndrome - no matter where it comes up, in 3 steps (because there’s ALWAYS 3 steps, lol!)
Step 1 - Recognize it for what it is - a desire to impress
This is not meant to be condemning, but freeing. Confession is good for the soul. And the desire to impress is something we all struggle with. At its core, the desire to impress is really the desire to be loved and feel safe - and that was born in us.
Along the way, we picked up some people pleasing tendencies, some competitive tendencies, some comparison tendencies. All in a desire to be recognized, feel secure, and loved. And we all struggle with this. So that’s why we start with awareness that THIS, imposter/impress duo is a very natural state.
Step 2 - Realign yourself with your purpose
But there’s a reason you and I want to push ourselves out of our comfort zone, and offer a piece of ourselves to others. It’s that spark of divinity in us, our soul, a reflection of how we were created to be Image-bearers of God
Himself.
The soul longs to express itself creatively and longs to form true connections with other humans just like ourselves. So, the 2nd step
is to tap into THAT desire, by reminding ourselves of our ultimate purpose in starting a new endeavor.
Step 3 -
Relax the standard & take the first step
Your purpose may be big, huge, world-changing. And awfully intimidating. The key is
to rephrase it in a way that seems doable today. And then just take action.
For example, I would love to help more people discover and live out
their creative purpose with confidence, in a way that touches lives all around the world. Whether that be a visionary leader, coach, or small business owner, a mom with a mission, or a young person figuring out how to “adult” successfully.
And also, how am I going to do that in a single email? Cue the brain’s freak out.
The answer is - I don’t have to. And you don’t have to.
- That next speech you’re giving - doesn’t have to be LIFE CHANGING.
- That next person you’re meeting - doesn’t HAVE to buy your coaching package.
- That next interview you’re having - doesn’t HAVE to be
the only path forward.
- That next meeting you’re leading - doesn’t HAVE to show how brilliant you are.
Try this. Relax the standard, and just show up sincerely, with a heart of service. That’s how we truly connect with others and allow others to connect with us. And that is what is TRULY impactful, impressive even, and potentially life changing.
It gets to be simple, and it starts with some simple questions -
“How can I be of service here?”
”What is she going through, and how can I help?”
”What would I like to hear in this situation?”
“How can I make someone’s life a little bit better today?”
That’s the question that got me out of my Imposter Syndrome Spiral, and got me back to the keyboard, pushing keys, forming words, and just aiming for being a consistently helpful and encouraging presence in your life.
It’s not much. But the little things have a habit of growing.
And if you’d like to take this work deeper, here’s a couple more questions to help you coach yourself -
- What area do I feel the pressure to impress others?
- How do I show up/not show up when I feel pressure?
- How can I SIMPLY be of service, as myself?
In case you’re interested - I learned this framework from an interesting passage from the Bible, where Jesus said,
Matthew 11:28-30 KJV
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Here’s a guy who KNEW his purpose, his HUGE purpose, and shows us the way to approach our purpose in a way that feels easy and light, and yet produces amazing results.
The next time you’re struggling with Imposter Syndrome, just remind yourself -
Easy and light, Baby, easy and light!
